Cha, cha, cha, changes!

How does your child handle change? For many adopted kids change brings on fear which in turn leads to a regression of behavior. These kids are walking a fine line. They are still on edge, on guard. Many adopted kids have elements of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder even if not enough to diagnosis. They are sensitive to changes in ways we can't imagine. Their security is tenuous and even a small change in routine can throw them off. Big changes such as mom returning to work, going to school, or moving can really bring out their fear response. First of all take a breath and know you can handle this setback. Think of it as practice for the many other changes your son or daughter will have to endure in life. I would suggest going back as much as you can to what you did when he first came home. You've got to rebuild that trust and help him learn that change is not dangerous. Kids under eight have less then two minutes of time after anxiety starts before being flooded with emotion and starting into anxious behaviors. They have little time to calm themselves. Here are some things you can do to help your child: For changes that bring big behaviors, if possible, take some time off. Let him stay home from school for a few days. Have an in-house vacation where you and your son or daughter spend time building attachment in the security of your own home. During regressive times increase nurture as much as possible. More cuddle time, more stories, more games. Try to have positive playful interaction, affection, attention, affirming comments - change doesn't mean you don't love him anymore. Try to make your life as simple as possible while the changes are being made. Cut back to the minimum so there are no extra stressors besides the changes that have to be endured. Make sure your schedule accommodates his needs and keeps the normal routine as much as possible with bed and meal times. Good food every few hours and sleep are vitally important at this point. He needs to be physically at optimum to handle the emotional stress he's going through. Make sure his water intake is adequate and give any necessary supplements. Amino acid supplements and omega 3 may be helpful if his neurotransmitter levels are up. Encourage him to talk through his feelings of fear, anger, anxiety, etc. Help him with the words - are you feeling....? Increase structure. Try to make life as consistent as possible without any surprises. Make sure he knows what the day will hold and what's coming next. Make visual sequences of events and post them. Even if your child is older, this stress is affecting his auditory processing. A picture chart will help him see what to expect and not feel overwhelmed or afraid. Give him lots of chances to release tension through activity. Physical activity outdoors and rhythmic activities such as jumping on a trampoline are great for the body and mind. Work with him and his caregivers (teacher, daycare provider) to learn calming techniques. Adults should learn to recognize anxiety coming on and help him to use slow breathing to calm himself. Teachers should use soft voices and distract the child from his anxious thoughts with random questions like: Do you know what they're serving for lunch today? I think it's chicken. Do you like chicken? or a “How 'bout those Yankees?” These types of questions will help him stop processing the stressful information. Make sure to use lots of rewards for good days, and time-in's (sitting bored by you or the teacher) for times of trouble. It can be frustrating when your child has been progressing and then slips back into difficult behaviors. Make sure to look for the underlying reason behind the regression, such as a change in routine,

and not slip into “bad boy” thoughts. These are life skills your child is learning. With your help he can push through the anxiety of change and become a more competent person able to weather the many changes he will encounter in the future. Some of these tips were adpated from: The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis and Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray