Clarity is Key

Having a consistent routine can help children feel secure, ease transitions, and avoid power struggles. Having set bedtimes and mealtimes is important. Many parents, in an attempt to get their children to sleep in on the weekends, allow them to stay up late watching TV on Friday and Saturday. While it may be tempting to buy yourself a few extra winks on Saturday, you will regret it when your child won’t go to sleep Sunday night and wakes up cranky on Monday. To assure your kids understand the routine, write it out in words or pictures and post it in your home.

By the same token, your expectations in how tasks are done may not be as clear as you think. I was frustrated that when I told my boys, “Get ready for bed.” I would come to their room 20 minutes later and they were in no way ready! I wrote out my expectations clearly telling them the 6 steps to getting ready: change to pajamas, put clothes in hamper, brush your teeth, etc. I posted this with a calendar page next to it in their room. Every night when I came in to read to them, if all the tasks were done, I would check off that day on the calendar. At the end of the week each child would get ½ hour screen time if he had all his checks for the week.

When giving your child praise, describing desired behavior, or describing problem behavior, it is important to be clear. Tell your child exactly what you like or want to see them do. Tell them exactly what they did wrong. Instead of, "Calm down!" Say, “Climbing on the back of the couch is not OK.” Even statements like, “Use your words” can be made clearer with, “Tell Susie you would like to use the crayons.” Don’t assume your kids know what you mean or are thinking the same thing you are.